Category: Dating and Relationships
what I dont understand is why women have to be so insecure that their men can't be friends with the opposite sex same for men.
MANY ex's can be friends long after the break up and even with the ex's new love.
I'm friends with all of my ex's and anyone I've ever dated was fine with it
good topic.
its a way of insecurity kick in. lots of people worried that if their partner got too close with his or her exes, it might rulen the relationship. but they never thought why their partner will broke up with the exes to start with. also, is a jealousy kind of thing too.
It's jealousy. I've dated people who are friends with guys and it's fine. Okay, I was cheated on once because of that but that doesn't mean I'm gonna say "don't talk to this guy again because I had a bad ixpereance."
You just have to keep your wits about you.
Exactly a good friend of mine on here is engaged and his fiance won't let him talk to me or any of his ex girlfriends. I dont know if she's jealous of me or if she's insecure or both but I know he wants to talk to me because he keeps apologizing and if he really didn't want to he would not he also told me not to tell anyone because she goes into his accounts and makes sure he isn't talking to anyone behind her back.
That is a bit obsessive and I promise that the relationship will not last. Eventually she is going to smother him so much he'll break and she's going to push him away no matter how he feels now. I've seen it a billion times.
I dont want him as anything more than a friend I've told her this up and down and she still wants to call me a bitch and she never even met me, so whatever I can be a really nice person but push me too far and she's going to hear exactly what I think.
He was a nice guy who I viewed as the brother I never had, and we are both huge fans of American Idol and I'd always have a good time talking to him about the show and contestants, I dont think it's that unfair to want to be his friend but she's too controlling to let that happen.
Like I said he'll come crawling back to me wanting to cry on my shoulder and I'll only be able to try to be a friend because that's what I want to be.
I totally agree with you. Friends are friends, no matter what gender they are. As long as you don't see signs that they are more, let your partner have their space. And, don't go looking for signs of cheating either, because that will just cause unnecessary stress on everyone.
Yup, people can be friends with who ever they want.
One might consider how good of a friend someone is to you if they're willing to let their sexual partner run their social life.
That's true too.
I don't know, I have a lot of male friends, so I need to be careful to not try and stop my bf from talking and being friendly with other women, but I think that would stop at him becoming friends with his ex-wife again, that would just make me too insecure.
I see is as okay, but I can see the other side of it as well. But maybe a thinking change is in order. You are mad because he is trying to please his mate, and that is his first duty no matter how you feel. If you are truly his friend then be one and understand. Let it ride and when his new mate is more easy he'll come round. Now that mental change is easier said then done. Think about it from this side. If a man or woman is friends with the other sex its not the reason they might leave you. I see one girl says she has lots of male friend, but get nervous when it comes to him and his Exe wife. If he wants her back nothing will stop that from happening. They don't have to talk for years and still can hook back up, so security is only with you and him and your relationship. Rambling I know, but male or female friends or lack of them won't keep your mate with you unless you live in a vary small population. The glue is what you give him or her souls. Smile.
agree with post 10. regardless of what the partner want, or allow, if they have the heart of going back with their exes, they will do it anyway. also, preventing them to contact with their friends will only make matter worse. they can do it behind the back, and what would it bring? untrust, unfaithful, unsecurity, and all those issues that will bring negativity towards the relationship.
My last girlfriend Kayla was that way. But she was a major hypocrite. It wasn't ok for me to talk to my female friends, even if I was honest with said friends and told them I was in a committed relationship. I always made a point to do that. But it was ok for Kayla to have three or four guys on the side, whom she conveniently forgot to tell about her status. That way if I hurt her feelings she could fall back on one of them for comfort. Then she suddenly decided A. that I was too old for her, a fact which wasn't even an issue at the beginning, and B. that I was too nice and boring for her. And she wondered why I didn't then want anything to do with her. Ironic really, since a few days before that she had told me my life would be simpler without her. So I did what I could to facilitate that.
Yeah. that's one thing I do have a problem with in general, is if the partner in question is unwilling to tell friends of the opposite sex about the relationship, but is willing to tell friends of the same sex about it. That would probably raise a few questions for me. Luckily, I don't have that problem in this relationship.
Really if you are in a relationship that the persson can not have friends of the opposite sex it can close a lot of doors. If you trust your partner you should allow it. If you so close the door and say well you can not talk to the other sex that can cause major lies. My ex boyfriends are my friends. We ended the relationship for a reason. And your new partner needs to understand this and see what makes this person your friend. I am friends even with my ex's girlfriends and all. So I am sorry that your ex has a woman that does not allow it. Good luck.
My last girlfriend had guy friends but hated when I talked to other women. Well now isn't that interesting?
Exactly. That was Kayla to a tea. I was talking via phone to a friend I met here on the Zone and the moment I got off Kayla burst into tears and said she felt like she was in competition with these other girls. Uhm, how do you think I feel when you talk to these other guys and don't even tell them you're in a relationship?
Just a tip to both men and women. Run away from these crazy people!
actually, I never get wary without a reason to be like that.
with my ex, after he cheated the first time and i took him back, I became incredibly wary of him talking to females for any length of time because I knew what he had done before.
as for my partner now, I'm completely not wary unless he started talking to his ex-wife again, that would really have me worried because they were married for several years and I'm just the relatively new girl.
I don't think Kayla ever trusted anybody. And her preference for "bad boys" tended to get her into trouble on a regular basis. And she doesn't see that.
hmm this is tricky.
On the one hand it is certainly possible to have a platonic relationship with someone of the opposite sex, and anyone banning their partner from doing so certainly displays signifficant insecurities.
But on the other hand I can see why people might have an issue with someone being good friends with their ex, When you consider that there is already an emotional and sexual history there.
i do understand why we can get wary when our partner talking to their exes, however, i don't think i have problem with my partner friends with his exes. overall they already broke up, and their broke up deal to some reason that can't be solve. if one partner wnna cheat on me, with or without the involvement of the ex, he can do that easily. so, why not letting them be friends, and be a supportive gf, instead of trying to interfeer. sometime, the more we worry, the worse it can get, and of course, it can definitely swing on the negative direction. regardless of what, open communication is essential.
As someone mentioned earlier, in reguards to remaining friends with exes, well, if the two end up dating again, it was probably going to happen whether you had a problem with them being friends or not. If the relationship is truely over, the two people in question probably don't have enough romantic feelings for each other to start the relationship again.
Season is wise. Smile. If you are in secure, then you are simply that. Security won't come from you holding on.
I agree with post 20 on this thread.
agree with poster 23. at the end of the day, it come to the key of security. if you have the security on your relationship, regardless of whom your partner talk to, you'll be confident enough to handle it, and trusted him to knonw what is the boundry for friends, either with friends, or exes. but, however, if the security aint there, either your partner is talking to the exes or friends, the relationship will remains frigal. if they choose to back with their ex, regardless of what you do, and what you dont do, they have their way back with them. and to make matter worse, it just show, you are someone who have no confident, faith, and trust on your partner
Security was definitely lacking in my last relationship. On the other hand hypocrisy was much in abundance. As I said it wasn't ok for me to talk to female friends, however forward I was with them about my relationship status, but it was perfectly ok for Kayla to talk to three or four guys on the side and not tell them she was attached. She once told me she felt like she was in competition with all my female friends without stopping to consider that that might be how I feel given the way she talked to her guy friends. I think she just didn't have a very high opinion of herself to begin with and that not only led to her insecurity but also led her to get in with shall we say, the wrong sort of people.
Ah but security and hipocrasy are mortal enimies.
if you cant trust the person your with then you shouldnt be with them. in my opinion if there is no trust in a relationship then the relationship wont work.
I would be miserable if the only female I could associate with on any level was my fiancee. Luckily she trusts me enough to know that I have mostly female friends but that I would not cheat on her. Some people probably are raised to believe that you can't be friends with anyone of the opposite sex. I would dislike it if I were limitted to only having male friends because, honestly, it's hard for me to find guys I have anything in common with or that I just like as people. I'm most likely such a nerd or dork that most guys would want to beat me up just for fun. LOL!
Lol.
I'm the same way. I have very few guy friends because it seems like most guys my age I meet are fixated on just one thing. And that gets extremely annoying after a while.
Hmmm well i had lots of friends of the opposite sex but once they foud out i was pregnant & had a bf the convos got short or they jus disappeared. My bf has lots of frends of the opposite sex, i hav very few. I trust my bf but not those friends of his. They would txt in the middle of the nite which would turn in an argument. He said they jus txt to say hi, see how hes doing , their relationship problems..basically friendly convos. Hes told me all his friends know about our relationship & at times gets advice from them about our relationship. I dnt think exes can jus b friends; my bfs ex wants him back cuz she knows hes happy & she not the one with him. Because of her we broke up cuz she played with his head then she didnt want him & hooked up with one of his friends. Ugh i hate that b***h! Now shes pregnant & wants what i have. She aborted his baby almost 3yrs ago but he cut her off as his friend now. Now i need to see what i can do about those chick txtin in the middle of the nite.. Ughhh...
Most of my friends are women and if I'm dating someone who doesn't like it she will go by by
I believe that Pink Fluffy Bunny has the right idea.
If there is no trust in a relationship, then what's the point?
If a couple trusts each other completely, then having friends of the opposite gender should not matter.
My wife and I have friends of opposite genders and we trust each other whole heartedly.
Of course you do. It seems to me that if you love someone, you trust them.
Most of my friends are guys, so if I have a bf he has to deal with it. I'm friends with some of my exs..
Friends are friends.
Exactly. I don't see why some people have such a problem with it. Even if someone cheated on you with someone you thought was just a friend, that's only one of millions of people you can meet out there.
Of course, I've been cheated on and I can tell you that it's not that easy to overcome.
Oh no, it certainly isn't. I'll give you that, but it's not fair to make it known to your current partner that you're worried he or she might cheat just because your most recent ex did.
true.
I have a lot of friends of the opposite sex, there's no problem with that at all. And yes, I even am friends with some of my exes. If the relationship was friendship-based and you split peacedfully, then that is definitely possible. I moved to the UK last year, and at the moment, almost all of my friends are male. I do want more female friends but that doesn't mean I have a problem with male friends. We go to the pub, we have a laugh, and it's all good. So yeah, I agree, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Hmmm, to the post avoe Pure Love's, that sounds awfully familiar. My last few girlfriends made it abundantly clear that they were expecting me to both cheat on them and then leave them. A real confidence booster, no?
I'd be careful about the people who are expecting you to cheat. I'm not saying don't date them, but there might be some other issues there.
Yes, a boat load.
Yeah. There's a certain feeling I get when I talk to a girl. If I get that feeling I tend to keep my distance. Just in what they say and how they say it sometimes.